You’re only HuMaN

Anxiety.

I have no idea what triggers it, but when something does it can’t be stopped. I have anxiety over small things that would normally never bother me at all. It’s not crippling, I can still function day to day, (med free) It’s more like an aura. Yes that sounds silly, but if you have anxiety than you get what I’m saying. It’s uneasy, it’s frozen words stuck in your throat, it’s cold sweats, it’s thoughts on repeat, it’s Un-stoppable. The other day I was walking through the grocery store(alone) I hate doing things alone. My boots were clicking, I become very conscious of how loud I was walking, every click making me cringe. People were starting to look at me, making me feel uneasy and anxious. I started that day feeling confident,cute, and proud. As I had an interview that day, that’s the mind set I gave myself when I woke up. Funny how something so insignificant and small can change your whole outlook for the day.

Expectations.

I always hold people to high standards. I manifest what I want this or that to be and when it doesn’t turn out how I “planned” or thought it’s a let down. Do you ever get SO excited to go on a trip or look forward to something you’re hoping someone will do? Then when that thing doesn’t turn out as great as you wanted you feel underwhelmed.  I started doing this years ago. I get so worked up so excited over the smallest, insignificant things. I create this “vision” in my head of how things will go and when the details don’t line up, its upsetting. You feel underwhelmed, but overwhelmed because you worked it up to be great and now you’re stressing that it’s not.

Anger.

Carrying things that weigh you down not physically, but spiritually. Anger. Angst. You hold it in. It’s something we’re ashamed of. I’m an angry person and I always have been. I really try to be a good person, it’s not that I’m not happy. I am extremely happy, it just comes out, and the ones I love most receive my wrath. Why is it that the ones that love us and support us we feel the need to push away? The more love and support we receive is “annoying” then we “lash” out.

Why ?

What makes me do this. Why am I like this. Rather than focusing on the why or the negative. I have been trying to focus all of my energy into changing this. Journaling, yoga, meditation. Once you allow yourself to fall into the depths of your mind you can truly find peace and start the process of healing.

Journaling.

I’ve been journaling, which is SO powerful if done correctly. Instead of planning what you want to write, allow yourself to escape. To look deep inside of your feelings and thoughts and rediscover yourself. What are you feeling, what’s holding you back? Write it, put on some calming music and don’t let that pen come off of that paper. Everything just comes out. I am always surprised when I have journaling sessions on what comes out, what my unconscious mind is telling me. Some things that I believe are making me “angry or anxious” aren’t really those reasons at all. This form of journaling is so powerful, emotional and truly healing. My mind races faster than my mind can write and I end up writing words. Simple words after the other. Becoming more complex thoughts and feelings the deeper that I go. Releasing this energy onto paper and looking back on it, you can decipher what the internal problem/problems are, and what is holding you back, from creating the best you that you can be. Understanding yourself.

Yoga.

I started doing yoga years ago and I don’t know why I stopped! Yoga is so relaxing for your body, and your mind. With every stretch, with every breath you feel more and more grounded. Every sequence that you go through you find your breath and can clear your mind. I am not one to work out, I absolutely hate it. I can’t stand going to the gym and running on the treadmill. Yoga makes you naturally healthier. Overall. When I picked up yoga again I felt inspired. The next day when grocery shopping we got into better habits. I didn’t pick up the frozen meals or the pack of cookies that were tempting me from the shelf. Instead I picked up flax seeds, coconut and fruit. Making energy balls for a sweet snack to curb that sweet tooth. Waking up every morning starting my day with a relaxing yoga flow. Clearing my mind and opening my soul to the possibilities surrounding me. Accepting that which I cannot change.

Meditation.

This took me a while to feel comfortable doing. So different, out of your comfort zone, but truly finding yourself and hearing your unconscious thoughts. Saying I acknowledge these thoughts, but not dwelling on them. Letting them pass by. Allowing yourself to open up your mind to the things that maybe you wouldn’t even know were crossing your mind. During meditation you’re in a state of relaxation, with every breath in you’re accepting and with every breath out you are releasing. Releasing any negative thoughts, feelings or uneasiness. You completely relax. Your body shuts down, your mind shuts down (eventually) it definitely takes practice to shut the mind down. If you’re like me your mind doesn’t stop, it runs and it constantly thinks. Meditation helps me take time to myself. To focus on myself. My feelings, my thoughts and to truly understand what’s going on in my head.